Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
