If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You pole danced in your parka.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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