Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's rum buckets o'clock
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
