i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
