every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
