life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
