OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sarcasm needs its own font
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
