im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
