If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
