I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
