OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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