Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
