Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
