I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
