My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
