I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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