I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
