i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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