The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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