K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
