The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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