I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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