Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So vagazzling was a success
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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