I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
