omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
