I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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