Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
