i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
