Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2675) Bad night (24153)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees

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  (201): we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees http://tfl.nu/26hp
  Replies (43) Good night (3105) Bad night (1029)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.

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  (314): pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me. http://tfl.nu/4o8x
  Replies (9) Good night (1595) Bad night (4151)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me

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  (617): She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me http://tfl.nu/0bof
  Replies (4) Good night (1434) Bad night (3257)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.

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  (407): Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS. http://tfl.nu/pvmv
  Replies (7) Good night (2223) Bad night (833)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

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  (336): okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style. http://tfl.nu/uhtz
  Replies (10) Good night (5139) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.

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  (864): the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation. http://tfl.nu/dzey
  Replies (5) Good night (2449) Bad night (696)
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  (916): View more from California

  You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.

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  (916): You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping. http://tfl.nu/nr1z
  Replies (6) Good night (2193) Bad night (603)
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  (607): View more from New York

  You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick

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  (607): You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick http://tfl.nu/kpxh
  Replies (18) Good night (3162) Bad night (998)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out

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  (580): Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out http://tfl.nu/fusv
  Replies (13) Good night (975) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Good luck

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes

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  (770): Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit. (404): Good luck (770): Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes http://tfl.nu/dpso
  Replies (3) Good night (832) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?

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  (706): URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll? http://tfl.nu/orbc
  Replies (17) Good night (1754) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing

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  (228): He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/dsmd
  Replies (1) Good night (759) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (+34): View more from Spain

  Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?

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  (+34): Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band? http://tfl.nu/qwzc
  Replies (0) Good night (584) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups

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  (610): Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups http://tfl.nu/pbun
  Replies (3) Good night (530) Bad night (272)

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