this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.