I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.