We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
