Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap