I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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