My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
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well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low