it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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