Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
