im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
