I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
