so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
