I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
