Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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