Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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