Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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