The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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