you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
