To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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