Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
