i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
