***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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