Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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