Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize