Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My hand turned me down
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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