I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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