i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
