Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
