is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
