You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
