Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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