OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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