am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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