At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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