i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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