fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
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just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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