dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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