He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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