He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
