i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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