dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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