1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
