Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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