Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
this hospital has no fireball
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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