You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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