Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
