Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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