I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
