it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
