my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
