Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Found your dick twin last night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
