i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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