We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
