I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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