Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
