I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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