I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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