all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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