I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she smelled like a LAN party
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
