bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
