when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
