You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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