I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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