Can i not drive my cunt home
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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