just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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